Saturday, March 13, 2010

jan, feb, mar, mar, mar, may!

assalamualaikum W.B.T
peace be upon nabi muhammad S.A.W

lately, Allah has been testing me with lotta troubles, problems, trials, dilemmas, doubts, head-and-bellyaches-causing situations, difficulties and worriments. call it whatever you want, my point is i've been living in a can of worms for the past few weeks.

firstly, i'm sad. i cry all the time (literally je la). haha. im confused. like i've mentioned in the previous entry, i wished April will never show up. because he's leaving next month, going to be away for years. or probably forever. foeverrrrr~~  i hate it. im gonna lose a part of me. i think i deserve it. its what we call karma. karma, Wani! now i know exactly how it feels like when we dont get what we want most. i used to dismissing people who have confessed their feelings towards me. now he's doing that to me. eventhough he didnt actually dismiss me in his life (in fact he lemme get to know him better) i still feel so saaaaadddddd. selfish brat, aint i? (*_*) anyway anyhow, i'll owez pray whats best for him. i'll owez pray for his success. may he be the happiest person on Earth. may he be the greatest doctor for the next 5 decades (insya-Allah).

secondly, final exam. final exam. final exam. die. die. die. urghh. final exams, people!! its killing me. i am not ready yet. ok, wont go any further coz i know, if i have time to babble, why dont i have time to revise? why do i complain that i cant cover all those silibus? i should be studying right now instead of blogging. stupid me. x_x

thirdly, im confused! should i or should i not balek kampung? if i go back home (Muar) i dare cut my finger that i wont study. tv (astro+dvds), internet (facebook, blog, tokio-hotel-rocks), family outings, erfan (im not blaming u, fan!), super-comfy bed, air-conditioned bedroom and loads of other factors that will give me great failure in finishing one lecture note... huh..

last but not least, im having this problem which i cant blab here. its super private and confidential. its not time YET for me to reveal it publicly. (>,<)

but each time i feel like crossing the road when there are obviously cars coming to my way, i would isghtifar (seeking forgiveness from Allah) and remember these words:

1. Allah will never ever ever test us if we cant take it. so if there are predicaments lying on our roadpath, its just going to show that we are strong. we can go through all of it. Allah knows it much better than us. Insya-Allah

2. Everything happens for a reason. seriously, yes people. each and every single incidents that i've been through for the past twenty years ive been living were actually ALL teachers. they taught me loads. they gave me lessons in life which no graduated teachers can give. i am who i am right here right now bcoz of them. but i have to admit that i didnt see the sun right after the storm. my point is, i didnt realize the wisdoms straightaway after the complications. i would cry, complain and contravene until one point when i would stop acting like a maniac, keep it together, buck up, feel glad that i survived, regret for being so blind and stupid (for wasting so much time and tears and energy doing those stupid stuff) and realize that those nightmares taught me something. quoting Shahira 'whatever doesnt kill u makes u stronger'. :)

3. i still have loads of reasons to stay alive. my family, my bestfriends and my enemies. the first two categories love me deeply. i dont want to make them sad, do i? (perasan tahap cekadak betol). hehe. and for the last category, i dont want them to be happy, do i?! lols. seriously, life is so much fun. why do i want to waste my time mourning? it would be much better if i go hanging out with my buddies and catch a movie together. appreciate the time that we have. treasure them for it will never return nor repeat. :p

eh, i do love blabbing, huh.. x_x
k, chow cin chow!

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